2012 World Telekinesis Competition

Team Profiles

The Malevenia Analysticians

The Malevenia Analysticians remain the righteous leaders of the telekinetic (not to mention the regular) world, harnessing extrasensory, supersensory and suprasensory (ESSS) powers and the rarer supersuprasensory power (ESSSQUE), and operating within the proprietary Malevenic tradition of which they are the founders and only individuals capable of practicing.

Just as we have stricken down our enemies from without as well as within our ranks, to the point where they have literally disappeared from the face of the earth, we will smite all those who dare challenge us on any matter, least of all the insignificant World Telekinesis Competition.

There is little more to be said, as in the time you have taken to read this description of our potent triumvirate we have infiltrated your soft, weak grey matter, corrupting your brain and turning it to our own purposes. No matter the supposed results of this trifling competition, while you are "competing," we will be summoning the dark forces, your mental energies redirected to our larger purpose.

Cindy Baker: Cindy Baker's passion for the telekinetic arts is clearly visible in her fervent commitment to the Malevenia Analysticians. Subverting the cosmic flow of psychic energy to harness the ensuing feelings of helplessness generated within the weaklings of the earth's lesser human inhabitants, which creates a reality of duality, Baker fearlessly looks into the mirror of this duality in order to face her other self and defeat her most dangerous opponents. Pursuing her thankless role in the universe’s most misunderstood malevolent powerhouse of psychic energies, as others might well shy away from, the satisfaction of a job well done is not her only reward; nay, the achievement of supreme power is her true reward.

Dave-Id Guy LaRiviere, esquire: Long-time ringleader of what are oft-reported to be CIA-driven experiments in mind-control, MKULTRA-Foods founder Dave-Id Guy LaRiviere (a.k.a. "Mr. Mister Kincaid") returns for yet another year of telekinetic dominance as the team oral surgeon for the Malevenia Analysticians. Channeling his formidable powers through the internet via MKULTRA-Foods' website and into the minds and bodies of the world via its' ubiquitous labelled and unlabelled products, and thereby creating legions of drooling masses willing to do his every bidding, LaRiviere continues to pursue the very essence of Mind-control, the only true control of everything that trickles down. He is also extremely pleased that amidst rumours to the contrary, original founding members Cindy Baker and Danielle Raymond stand alongside him to participate in their fifth World Telekinesis Competition as undefeated rightful champions.

Danielle Raymond: Danielle Raymond is a ray of psychic sunshine in the otherwise dark and gloomy world inhabited by the Malevenia Analysticians. Projecting warmth and rainbows of love energy, MY POWERS FILL YOUR MIND AND CONTROL YOUR EVERY ACTION. Her earnest campaign to rid the world of bad guys by befriending them, one of her more unassumingly beguiling powers is that of entrancing cuddly creatures to do her bidd- I HAVE GENERATED A DOUBLE CONCENTRIC SPIRAL VORTEX WHICH HAS OPENED A GATEWAY INTO THE CONSCIOUSNESS OF EVERY SENTIENT BEING. THERE IS NO DENYING MY DESTINY! -ever and ever. I WILL NOT BE DENIED! As such, she harnesses the positive glow of the earth’s vibrations to THERE IS NO DANIELLE RAYMOND. THERE IS NO MEGAN MORMAN. THERE IS ONLY ZUUL.